“Think of what you’ve liked or loved about the good men in your life….your husband, your father, a favorite uncle or grandfather or friend and speak openly of those qualities with your son.
Be attentive to your son’s own attributes, too, and let him know that you see him growing into a fine young man.
Love the boy you got.
Please don’t think about boys as a problem: don’t brace yourself for their energy or their competitiveness. Embrace it all.
Play with your son. Read to him. Sing to him. Laugh with him. Listen to him.”
Here is Michael Thompson speaking about boys as emotional beings:
“One of the most common disclaimers we hear from mothers talking about a problem their son is having is this: “I know my son is sensitive, but …” The inference is, of course, that most boys aren’t sensitive and that her son is somehow different because he is. That’s something our culture would have us believe, but it’s not true. All boys have feelings. They’re often treated as if they don’t. They often act as if they don’t. But all boys are born with the potential for a full range of emotional experience.
When researchers compare men and women or boys and girls on their emotional awareness, understanding, and expression, males almost invariably finish second. If boys and girls are given a series of pictures of faces showing different expressions, boys generally will be less accurate in their identification of the emotions that are being displayed. In therapy one of the most common complaints we hear from women about men is that men so often seem oblivious to the hurt feelings or emotional needs of others. Many men readily acknowledge that the generalization is true: they do prefer to avoid emotional people and situations. That doesn’t mean, however, that men lack the “wiring” for expressing or understanding emotion. Newborn boys, on average, are actually more emotionally reactive than girls. For example, studies show that baby boys cry more than baby girls when they are frustrated or upset.
Despite those expressive beginnings, the overall pattern is that–with the possible exception of anger, regarding which the research results are inconclusive–as boys get older, they express less emotion. This is true when they are observed in natural settings or when they are observed watching slides or film of emotionally arousing situations. Leslie Brody, a leading authority on gender differences, describes this as a “developmental shift in which males become less facially expressive of emotions with age, whereas females become more so.
So boys don’t show as much emotion. But does that mean that boys actually feel less? There is evidence that they may feel more. When heart rate or skin conductance–sweaty palms–are measured in emotionally arousing situations, there is no consistent pattern of differences between girls’ and boys’ responses. Studies that have shown a difference suggest that boys may react to a greater, not lesser, degree. Other research findings suggest that when boys get emotionally aroused, they may do less well at managing their emotion.”
I often talk about the importance of helping our boys identify, manage, and freely express their emotions. I recently stumbled on: How to support emotionally sensitive boys. Being sensitive is a good. Being empathetic is essential. But when you consistently receive messages you shouldn’t be – you will need extra help in navigating heightened sensitivity….
“Societal pressure expects boys to be emotionally resilient and avoid expression of feelings. Boys hear this message from a variety of sources, and often learn to stuff their emotions and downplay their reactions. This tough-it-out culture can be challenging for anyone, but particularly emotionally sensitive boys.
whatsaboymom 