CW: Loneliness, Suicide
In my last post I wrote about Francesca Cavallo, an author who wrote about the empowerment of girls and then found herself asking – but where does that leave boys? She and I are greatly aligned on our views of toxic masculinity and that the far too narrow gender role we stuff boys and men into is hurting everyone. However, she is a writer and I am not – her framing of these important topics is masterful and I encourage everyone to check out her work. In a recent substack post she writes:
Real feminism – liberatory feminism – has always been about liberation for all. It’s about building a world in which women, men, and everyone beyond those binaries can be whole. And that work cannot happen if we continue to ignore the specific ways in which men are also harmed by the very structures we seek to dismantle.
The concept that liberation must be for all is so absolute for me, and yet, it’s clear that is not the case for everyone. So, let’s keep talking about this need for liberation, freedom, and health for ALL.
Additional suggested reading/listening:
1)New to manhood at age 35: How one guy is learning about masculinity by Madeline Holcombe for CNN:
“There was never really time to stop and reflect on where I belong in masculinity. It was just do the things to fit in and be accepted,” said Ryan Garcia, a cisgender male cast member of the series. “Being in this series with Ash was kind of a form of therapy where you stopped and actually reflected.” It is normal for anyone, no matter their gender identity, to crave feeling valuable, successful, accepted and connected –– even if men are socialized to put off an image of lone-wolf stoicism, said Judy Yi-Chung Chu, who teaches a class on boys’ psychological development at Stanford University.
The article sites that fewer than half of men report being satisfied with their friendships, and only about 1 in 5 said they had received emotional support from a friend in the last week, according to a 2021 survey from the Survey Center on American Life.
A lot of the traditional societal ideals of masculinity are limiting in personal expression and deep connection, Perez said. Perez and some of the other Try Guys learned a lot about masculinity and how to embrace the best parts during his coming-out journey, while expanding it beyond its traditional limitations.”
2) Modern Love: Why Boys and Men are Floundering, According to Therapist Terry Real:
“In a recent episode of the Modern Love podcast, marriage and family therapist Terry Real argues that traditional models of masculinity are broken and that many boys and men are “floundering” due to a lack of emotional vulnerability and connection. Real contends that men are often taught to suppress their emotions, particularly vulnerability, which can lead to problems in relationships and overall well-being. He emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with emotions and building authentic connections, both with themselves and others.”
I see a pattern emerging – CONNECTION
3) June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month
NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) says “there is often a strong focus on men’s physical health — fitness, annual checkups, and heart health — but mental well-being is equally as important because mental health is health! Just as the body needs care and attention, so does emotional and mental well-being. Yet, there is a silent crisis in men’s mental health — one that too often goes unnoticed or unspoken. Tragically, men are nearly four times more likely to die by suicide than women*, underscoring the urgent need to break this silence and seek support.
We are loosing our boys. Things have to change.
whatsaboymom 