Kenough

Like many of you, I recently saw the Barbie movie. I imagine many people watching were doing so through a feminism lens. Me, I had my “toxic masculinity” glasses on. So, the article “What Barbie Gets Right About Male Psychology: or, learning to be kenough” in Psychology caught my eye. Dr Balaisis, the author, shares a treasure trove of important insights, he says:

“Watching the “Barbie” movie over the weekend, I was surprised by the relatively nuanced portrayal of masculinity, one which resonated with real issues and concerns that I have seen often in my clinical practice……This feeling is not too dissimilar to the experience that I see in my practice, where men often experience a greater degree of rejection and isolation in a relationship as a result of a perceived lack of attention or affection from their partner or spouse. The film thematizes this dynamic nicely by showing Ken’s drift into a desire for masculine dominance and “patriarchal” expression; if he can’t have Barbie’s attention and esteeming gaze, he can at least exert his wish for assurance via dominance and other claims of power and authority over other men, women or objects (his mojo dojo man cave).

Clinically speaking, what we see here is the rapid move from shame to anger: Ken experiences deep shame which gets re-routed into resentment and angry expressions of masculinity. If this were couples’ therapy, we would want to give voice to the shame, and instead of indulging the shame through anger, work to find ways to articulate this desire and translate it into perhaps a wooing or seduction that works for his partner and himself. Or, we’d want to find ways to manage and cope with the difficulty of feeling alienated from her gaze. In other words, we’d want to prolong Ken’s capacity to stay with the feelings of shame instead of converting them into a resentment man cave.”

There is so much shame within the narrow male gender role we have created and inflict on our boys and men (spoiler – this also hurts girls and women). Ken perfectly portrays this, while also offering hope. At the end of the movie he is supported in taking a self-discovery journey (while Barbie will take her own separate journey). Giving space to boys and men to discover their authentic self outside of “the narrow gender role” will lead to healthier outcomes – for everyone.