A recent article hit the NYT’s opinion column, It’s Dangerous To Be A Boy. It’s an adaptation of Michael C Reichert’s “How to Raise a Boy: The Power of Connection to Build Good Men.”
Reichert says, “Boyhood immerses boys in violence and the bullying that leads to it. High school boys are more likely than girls to have been in a physical fight in the past year and male children are more likely to have been victims of violence. Three types of male violence — violence against women, violence against other men and violence against themselves — are deeply interwoven.”
“Boys don’t come into the world with some inborn tendency toward domination or violence. As the Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura explained: ‘People are not born with preformed repertoires of aggressive behavior. They must learn them.’ The problem is rooted in boys’ socialization, which is characterized by physical discipline, control and disdain for weakness.”
I sigh a deeply pained breath as I read the piece on the couch, my sweet little boy sound asleep on the monitor sitting next to me. My husband asks “what’s wrong?” I respond – “we’re (society) killing our boys and now we have stats to prove it.”
Reichert notes, “With this template for relating to themselves and to the world, it is not surprising that, compared with girls, adolescent boys and young men abuse tobacco at higher rates, drive more recklessly and engage in riskier sex. In the United States, 75 percent of deaths among 15- to 24-year-olds are of boys and young men. Males are more likely than females to die from injuries sustained in car accidents or falls, and from homicides. Especially when the risks of masculinity are compounded by racism and poverty, too many boys do not survive into manhood.”
“Too many boys do not survive into manhood.”
Reichert concludes, “What parents can do, must do, for their sons is never underestimate the power of listening to them, knowing them, and standing by while they navigate the rough waters of boyhood. Behind every boy who avoids being swept away in the current is someone who holds him — and believes in his ability to hold his own.”
Thanks to all of the parents and people in boys’ lives who are trying to make the currents less dangerous and who are holding our fragile boys.
whatsaboymom 