I recently stumbled upon an article entitled How to Empower Boys to Express Their Emotions Freely. It’s author, mom Cara Martinisi talks about the troubling phenomenon of society discouraging boys when it comes to displaying their emotions. She says, “now that I’m raising boys, the division between what boys feel and what is socially acceptable for them to emote is evident.” Even before becoming a mom, this is a concept (or an issue) I thought about often. Now that I’m a mom to a son, it’s weaved into the fabric of who I am, front and centered in my cluttered mom brain. I’m so used to reading (and thinking) about this concept, and then Martinisi writes something I am not used to reading — it’s of heightened importance she teach her sons how to express and deal with their emotions because her family experienced the most horrific tragedy – the loss of a child. Mom and dad lost one of their children and their youngest sons lost their older brother.
I through my hand over my mouth, my heart aching for this stranger who I admire so deeply for how she parents her sons to understand, embrace, and work through their emotions. I gathered my bearings and continued reading. She writes about the importance of leading by example, she talks about her emotions and says “giving boys an emotional vocabulary, even at an early age, is a tremendous asset.” The first step is teaching children to identify emotions / feelings and then provide tools to work through hard feelings. She talks about the importance of children knowing their home and parents are a safe space.
I often think about the safe space I am creating for my son, the vocabulary I helping him build, and the ways I try to support his connectedness to his true self — bell hooks sums these efforts up:
“Little Boys are the only males in our culture who are allowed to be fully, wholly in touch with their feelings, allowed moments when they can express without shame their desire to love and be loved. If they are very, very lucky, they are able to remain connected to their inner selves or some part of their inner selves before they enter a patriarchal school system where rigid sex roles will be enforced by peers as rigorously as they are in nay adult male prison.”
-bell hooks, The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
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