In 2016, shortly after becoming a mom, some of my thoughts on gender were published in Rhode Island Parent Magazine: Thoughts on gender rules.
Here’s the rough cut:
A small pink bunny rattle is attached to my son’s car-seat. He is in love with Bunny. When out and about in public, many people refer to my son as a girl. I think there is a connection between Bunny and him being called my daughter. Here’s why this matters to me….
Recent modern society has deemed that pink belongs to girls. This was not always the case, in fact, a 1918 edition of a publication entitled “Earnshaw’s Infants’ Department says: “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.” When looking at gender-color history in the United States a 1927 Time magazine chart is often referenced. It found that at the time, major retailers were split on their advertising of colors. Nurseries were often decorated in both pink and blue, the way gender-neutral nurseries are green and yellow today. Things shifted in the 1940s and seems to have been cemented in the 1980s. There are numerous theories explaining the shift over those four decades, but one thing is for sure — society needs to assign everything to either the male or female gender, even something as basic as colors.
It is extremely important to me that I raise my son in a way where he feels encouraged and safe to express himself however he chooses – not how society chooses for him. I understand there are costs to this, that if he loves something society has deemed is for a girl, he will be teased. When this happens, I hope to support him in having those experiences be part of the fabric of who he is. I hope he learns that gender is constructed at an early age – I will surely be reminding him of this often. Of all the reasons it is important for me to kick society’s assigned gender roles to the curb is that I want my son to be emotionally intelligent. Since becoming the mom of a boy, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “boys are fun, busy, loud, dirty.” Those are great things to be, but not at the cost of not being thoughtful, sweet, introspective, creative — things generally assigned to girls. It’s time we stand up to the status quo. I want my son to find himself, to do things that make him happy – but that means I’ll need to expose him to a wide variety of activities, people and colors – and continuously address “that’s for girls” or “that’s for boys.” One thing I surly will guide my son to be is empathic, being able to put yourself in some-else’s shoes is the foundation of all healthy relationships. I am sick of empathy being a trait assigned only to girls. Sick and tired – and not because I’m the mom of a busy boy.
whatsaboymom 